♡ Bella Rose ♡

you know you have a crush when he's all you think about.  when another man is inside of you, looking into your eyes, and calling your name yet you still have his laugh stuck in your head, repeating like a game.  And you think back to him at that old podium all those months ago,  when you fell for his tricks so easily, because how were you to know  that he'd bring up the feelings you've always craved  a fire inside of you, like he's calling your name.  but you think about the months that go by, as time continues to flow  and you still can't understand why he won't let his feelings known  because he's still the one you think about when another man's inside of you  as he'll always be the boy who could have been more  he's everything to you sweetie, but he'll always be unsure.

Loss.  It's not something I've ever experienced until my junior year of high school when I physically lost a close family friend, as well as my grandmother- they both died of cancer.  They say sometimes losing someone or something can be more painful when it's not a physical death. How could that be?  Because you know that person or thing still has to continue on with their life without you in it. And you have to learn how to move on as well. I've had friends come and go. They've left just as quickly as they've come in. But nothing has been more impactful than this one.  We met over two years ago, after we bounded over our experiences. I've never related to anyone more than I did to this girl. I felt like she got me. We spent every waking minute together. She knew my past, my secrets, and my weaknesses- and I knew hers. She was my soul mate. The best friend I had been looking for my entire life, and the person I knew I could rely on.  It wasn't until the

For the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking-  It's been a while since I've been able to sit down and actually do what I've loved for most of my life.  I stopped writing for pleasure for a good year.   I don't know if it's because of this terrible year. I don't know if it's because current job doesn't exactly entail writing, I don't know if it's because I spent the last 12 months in a cloud. From thinking I had major disassociation anxiety, to a brain tumor, and now a sudden case of on set blindness.  There were times when I wanted to, don't get me wrong- but during those times, I felt like my brain was fried. I couldn't think creatively. Or I was just too god damn lazy to even put in the effort of writing. I'm not really the person I was. So there has to be something wrong right?  In the beginning of January I was finishing my last semester at Emerson. I was glad to be back at school, and finish off my last four years of coll

Picture taken from Flickr. It was the morning Bernie dropped out of the race. I was making breakfast with my sister Sofia in our ki tchen. It was like any other boring morning in quarantine. We got up, headed downstairs, ate, and went about our days.  My sister checked her phone as she waited for her waffles to pop up in the toaster.  “Bernie dropped out of the race,” she gasped. Guess it wasn’t just another boring day in quarantine after all.  I immediately picked up my phone and saw the hashtag trending on Twitter, #WowBernie. I pressed on it, and scrolled through the tweets of those reacting to the news. I felt a pit in my stomach. “What’s the fucking point of democracy when the two people fighting to run your country are both sexual predators,” one Twitter user wrote.  A story was being shared around on Facebook with the headline, “Bernie fails to sexually harass women to win race.” I sat in my kitchen with my uneaten breakfast in front of me, trying my

Picture taken from  https://today.emerson.edu/2020/03/23/alumni-association-creates-covid-19-emergency-fund-to-help-vulnerable-students/ I remember when I first got the email that my college was transitioning to online classes. I was sitting on my bed in my dorm room, watching last night's Bachelor episode, constantly refreshing my email. Throughout the day, I had heard that the possibility of the transition was extremely likely. We were all just waiting for an answer. By now, Harvard and MIT had cancelled classes. I didn't think it would ever get to this though. I was in denial about the virus, like everyone else in this country. When I first heard the word corona, I thought there's no way this will affect me or my life.  " I'm telling you now, this is gonna get bad,” said my mother. I was home one weekend towards the beginning of February, my mom was watching the news and turned to me when the first case had been reported in the United States. I rol

Picture taken from  https://www.bustle.com/p/the-weirdest-college-graduation-traditions-around-the-world-53434 TW: This post mentions topics relating to anxiety and depression. College can be too much. Freshmen year I transferred schools after two bad experiences with my roommates that left me living in a single for the last couple of months at my first school. When I got to Emerson as a sophomore, I was ready to have a good college experience...until I ended up in an abusive relationship that sent me to the hospital my first semester in Boston. Throughout the next two years, it was heart break after heartbreak. Friends and lovers that came and went just as quickly as college seemed to fly by before my eyes. More bad experiences, but not all bad. But...nothing I could look back on that made me say that college was the best years of my life. First semester of senior year, I was ready to crush it. I wanted it to be the best year yet, as the last three were just